Stamping Out The Darkness
“If you find yourself in pain, alone, or struggling, you too can set the world on fire with your own unique stamp of light”
The pain was relentless. The doctors said I was not allowed to put any weight on my leg for the next three months. I looked at my leg. It looked almost comical. Four times as large as my other leg with all the bandages, wraps, braces, wires, and ice packs. But it was far from humorous. My brain rudely skipped an unconscious thought across the lake of my mind for the hundredth time that day….’I want to die.’
I sighed and sank into my pillows. No, I thought. I don’t want to die. I just want the pain to end. But how was I supposed to endure this for another three months? How was I supposed to sit in my bed day after day with nothing to distract me from this ever-present pain?
I decided to hit the internet and research ideas. I made myself a little list. I wasn’t exactly excited about any of the ideas on the list, but I decided to press forward, nonetheless. First up: Learn… something! So vague and uninspiring, right? But pain can make one stubborn. I went on virtual museum tours, read articles, downloaded apps, podcasts, etc. As the days wore on, I decided to watch a TED Talk a day because know what they say, “A TED talk a day, keeps the suicidal thoughts away.” Mmm…no. No one says that.
However, it proved to be true. A four-minute video changed my life. It is how I came to know about Hannah Brencher and her nonprofit organization, The World Needs More Love Letters. In her Ted talk she shared that she went through a period of depression in college and decided to tuck anonymous love letters all around New York City and it slowly snowballed into a global initiative where people can nominate family and friends to receive letters of encouragement and love. I immediately was intrigued by this idea and by this person. I did more research and stumbled upon more words from Hannah, “It’s one thing to be the girl on fire, it is another thing entirely to be the girl who manages to set the world on fire with all the quiet and beautiful things she does.” I would write those words upon my heart and come back to them often. They became my anthem.
I realized I could still do things. I could still have a purpose even alone in a tiny dark room sitting in a bed. I could do quiet and beautiful things. So I did. I joined her letter writing campaign. I started writing letters to strangers. There was a different batch of strangers every month. I soon realized I couldn’t stand waiting a whole month waiting for the new names and addresses. I had people in my life that needed letters too. With each letter, each person, each stamp, a little more light and hope crept into my soul.
Did the pain go away? I wish. It would be a long time before the agony subsided. Did my situation change? Nope. I didn’t grow a new leg and frolic and leap around. Not only was it the same four walls for three long months, but also an unexpected two additional surgeries and more pain and more lying in bed. But my mind and heart shifted. I decided to not focus on my pain, but the pain of others. Hannah’s words inspired me to write letters, to try to give light, even when you feel like you have none yourself. It set my own heart on fire and illuminated my life.
If you find yourself in pain, alone, or struggling, you too can set the world on fire with your own unique stamp of light.
What quiet and beautiful things do you want to do? How will you stamp out the darkness?
Stamping Out The Darkness
Summer Draney